Being Haffu(ハーフ)/Half and Whole

I recently joined an awesome and active Facebook groups. One is called Planet Haffu (Half Japanese). These groups post personal experiences, memorabilia from the past, photographs, funny trending videos, political pieces and more. All members are in one way or another Hapa or "Half-Japanese" or related to one. My response to joining was overwhelming. I posted a small blurb about myself and have gotten over 100 likes and dozens of comments. One of the members posted the video above.

I thought this video was funny! I have experienced some of these reactions and I am happy to not feel alone! I am not often offended by people who don't understand microaggressions. I associate with being Hapa, and while that term was originally coined to be offensive it doesn't bother me. Please don't assume all mixed Asians or Hawaiians feel this way.

Growing up I was surrounded by kids who were "whole" there were maybe two Asian kids in my elementary class and in high school I can only remember a handful of mixed asians. To put it in perspective this is the demographic of my high school (Roosevelt High School) in Seattle, WA my junior year.*

As you can see Two or More Races accounts for 2.3% of the entire high school population. While this may not be 100 % accurate I truly believe it comes close. 2.3% is a stark difference to the overwhelming 61.6% White majority. I was surrounded by many upper-middle class white families and I was definitely not upper-middle class and I definitely didn’t feel “whole.” I didn't think I had an identity crisis, but I had one. I always acossiated myself with being white. I remember forgetting I was half of another race, another heritage and culture. That is terrifying! Like some half of me just disappeared until someone said; “where are you from?” So growing up there was always white, black, Hispanic, you name it. But I rarely found people like me.

As a child I drew myself with blonde hair and blue eyes, I hated the name Alice and wanted a more popular name like Hillary Duff. Now, I see myself as a "whole" person, not "half." I'm proud of my beauty and heritage and while it is still confusing and I too also suffer an identity crisis at times, I realize that I'm blessed as the mixed person I am. And I am awesome.

I was named Alice after my great aunt on my father's side. She is said to have been one of the most caring and compassionate people. When my mom was searching for kanji characters for my name when I was born she picked the characters: 在素 the kanji loosely translates to mean "the origin"" or "being yourself." I think the values of kindness and the meanings behind the characters in my name is really very significant and symbolic of who I am. And (hopefully) accurate. The name is no longer an old lady name that I once greatly disliked but one I love.

* Source: http://reportcard.ospi.k12.wa.us/summary.aspx?groupLevel=District&schoolId=1060&reportLevel=School&orgLinkId=1060&yrs=2011-12&year=2011-12

#hapa #race #identity #halfjapanese #name #origins